Checker Board Cake

   Greetings once again to any multiple visitor's, and first greetings to anyone on this page for the first time. I apologise for my less than speedy post updates, but I have been terribly busy as of late pursuing my more recently discovered talent of writing. You may see evidence of this in the vernacular of this post.

   Anyway. Getting down to tacks of brass, have you veer felt the sudden urge to spend the better part of a single day baking? All day? I'm sure to some of you this is common place, but, for me, it is strictly reserved for Christmas only that one should give their entire day into creating confectioneries.

   Yesterday I broke this unspoken principle to gift my parents with a long desired, beautiful, and irrationally difficult checker board cake for their anniversary.

   Given that it was such a memorial occasion, and my crippling boredom from the presence of the sought after, yet despised, summer break, I pushed away any logic that said it might be stupid to fling myself into such an advanced piece of artwork without prior experience. I would warn anyone reading this reconsider what they are thinking of attempting. This is not nearly as easy as the pictures and cooking shows, including the magnificent Cake Boss, make it look. Trust me. If you are easily angerable, think of anything else you might be able to do that would hold just as much meaning as this, and if you can't think of anything, I'd suggest playing your favourite style of music as loud as is possible without provoking hearing damage or broken speakers to maintain a fragile sense of calm. It won't last, but tis always better to be prepared.

   If, after all this, you're still set on creating this masterpiece, then I salute your mingled stupidity and persistence. You and I would get along, cousin.

   The checker board cake is a series of nested rings in a pattern of chocolate, vanilla, chocolate, and vanilla-this will vary according to how many rings and how big your cake pan is. The first step is, of course, finding your recipes. You will need one chocolate cake, one vanilla cake, and a buttercream recipe. I would recommend using a layer cake recipe because these are easier to deal with and require less trimming than regular cakes.

   Chocolate Cake

  Ingredients:

2 cups all purpose flour

2/3 cup unsweetened cocoa powder

1 1/2 teaspoons baking soda

1/2 teaspoon salt

1 cup butter, melted

1 cup brown sugar, lightly packed

3/4 cup granulated sugar

4 large eggs

2 ounces unsweetened chocolate, melted

1 1/2 teaspoons vanilla

1 1/2 cups buttermilk

  Directions:

1. Beat together the eggs and sugar until fluffy.

2. Add the melted butter, melted chocolate, buttermilk, and vanilla and stir.

3. Next, add the flour, cocoa, baking soda, and salt and beat until no lumps remain.

4. Pour all the dough into a ten inch spring form pan, or split between two nine inch pans, that have been greased and floured or lined with parchment paper. (Keep in mind this pan(s) will need to be the same size as the one you bake the vanilla cake in.)

5. Bake at 350 degrees Fahrenheit for 35-45 minutes. (This will vary according to whether you used two nine inch pans or one ten inch.)

6. When removed, wait ten minutes and remove the cake from the pan and onto a plate or cutting board. For rushed chilling, place the cake into the freezer or refrigerator.

   Vanilla Cake

  Ingredients:

1/2 cup butter, melted

2 cups all purpose flour

1 tablespoon baking powder

1/2 teaspoon salt

1 1/2 cups granulated sugar

3 large eggs

1 cup milk

1 teaspoon vanilla extract

  Directions:

1. Whip together the eggs and sugar, then add the melted butter.

2. Stir in the milk and and vanilla.

3. Add the flour, baking powder, and salt, and stir until no lumps remain.

4. Pour into a spring form pan (This will need to be the same size as the one used for the chocolate cake) that has been greased and floured or lined in parchment paper.

5. Bake at 350 degrees Fahrenheit for approximately 35 minutes.

   Buttercream

  Ingredients:

1 cup of butter, softened

4 cups icing sugar

4-5 tablespoons cream

3 teaspoons vanilla

  Directions:

1. Beat the butter with an electric mixer.

2. Add the icing sugar and beat on a low speed until you have a crumbly powdery mixture.

3. Mix in the vanilla and cream. The amounts are suggestions. You will need to add more than twice as much cream to make the buttercream thin enough to spread on the cake, or your cake will just break. Add more cream for layering and dirty-icing, and less for decorating. Food colouring can also be added.

   Assembly:

   This is the hardest part. You will need cake stencils. This will involve a compass from a protractor kit and a paper. After you have baked both cakes comes the meticulous portion of the activity.

1. Measure how long your cake is at the widest part with a ruler-mine was ten inches- then decide how wide you want your rings to be. I would play it safe, and stick with one and a half inches.

2. Set the point of your compass at the centre of the ruler and the pencil at the edge of the cake, then move the compass inwards one and a half inches(or whatever length you have chosen for your rings), then, without changing the setting of the compass, move it to a piece of paper and draw the perfect circle.

3. Follow the same steps, making each ring the correct width smaller each time until your run out of cake. You will have no more than three circles when you are finished.

4. Cut out the circles. These will be your stencils. Poke holes into the centre points of each one.

5. Cut both the chocolate and vanilla cakes in halves, making four smaller cakes. Two chocolate, and two vanilla.

6. Insert a toothpick into the centre of your cake and slide the biggest stencil over it.

7. Using as small knife, cut around the stencil carefully.

8. Do the same with each smaller stencil until the entire layer has been cut into rings.

9. Repeat steps 6-8 with the remaining layers.

10. When that is done, mix a batch of buttercream. Make sure this is very thin, or it will not spread on the exposed surface of the cake.

11. Take the largest ring of a vanilla layer and set it onto a flat surface. (Warning!There will be no moving it after this.) You may desire to have someone else help you with this, as the cake may crumble without enough support.

12. Now take the next smaller ring of a chocolate layer and nest it within the vanilla ring. Now the next smallest vanilla. Followed by chocolate. And so on, until the layer is complete.

13. cover the top of this in a very thin layer of the buttercream.

14. Repeat steps 11 and 12, starting with a chocolate layer this time and set it on top of your just finished layer. Spread buttercream on this as well.

15. Do this with the rest of the cake rings. Changing between starting with chocolate and vanilla rings.

16. Now that all your layers are stacked, dirty-ice your cake. Dirty-icing, for those of you that don't know, is the term used when describing the process of using a very thin layer of buttercream to even out ridges and to get stuck full of all those annoying loose crumbs so they don't ruin your beautiful blue or green or pink frosting. Your cake will look truly awful after dirty-icing, but never fear, because you add another layer of icing after.

17. This is wear creative freedom comes into play. Go nuts. You can decorate plain or for birthdays or anything else. I decorated for an anniversary.

   Congratulations to anyone who lasted this entire post! I know it dragged a little, and was probably highly confusing. I will enclose a picture of the process-not mine; unfortunately I had not thought to take pictures during the creation-to help you understand.

   I wish good luck to anyone who is still foolish enough to want to try this. But here is a secret: it tastes eternally worth it.